Doubting ourselves and fear holds you back from your goals Self-doubt and fear are the voices in our head telling us, “You’ll never succeed, so why try?” and “who do you think you are?” Self-doubt and fear are also what make us listen to those voices and decide to give up before we get started. Even though some people might have self-doubt and fear at some point in their lives, they take action anyway. Others, not so much. They remain stuck, or are confident in only one area of their life, such as work. They are way too afraid to try something new. Going back to school, starting a business, meeting someone new or making a new friendship is out of the question. If we let that doubt and fear rule our thoughts and our lives, we miss opportunities. We assume that nothing good will happen, so we don’t even take a risk for something super small. Well what happens then? It leads to us criticizing others and pushing us away from people who could help us lose weight, help people or meet our personal goals we set for ourselves.
The Nasty Cycle of Doubt and Fear
I know what it’s like to live with that doubt and fear. I grew up in a lower income to middle class family in Madison, Wi (Go Badgers!). A moment that shaped my fear and my brain was when I was in the second grade. I invited a girl named Rachel to my birthday party and she said she wanted to come. Her mother called and told my mom she wasn’t coming. When I asked her why, she said her mom said she shouldn’t hang out with poor people. I didn’t know what poor was, but I knew we weren’t rich. We lived in a townhouse and I always had food on the table, but at that moment when she told me that, I think the self-doubt was programmed in my head. I could never be rich, I could never be “like them.” As I got older, I would see Rachel hanging out with the kids who were from the rich areas and I knew I wasn’t poor, my parents bought a house and we lived fine. I had food and clothes and I got 75% of what I asked for.
I was smart, I had really close friends but somehow I still had my voices telling me: “You’ll never make it. You’ll never be popular, you’ll never be rich.” I felt I wasn’t as good as other people because I didn’t have the money and nice clothes that some of the “Rachel” girls had. I let that fear and self-talk sabotage me. Through leaving jobs where I knew I would excel to leaving college early because I told myself I wasn’t good enough, I would never be “that” girl. Something had to change, could I break my cycle of self-doubt so I could teach my kids how to work through if they ever had something like that happen to them?
I had to learn to change my attitude about myself. I had to change my thought process, get through my self-doubt and fear. To help get over that fear and really own your life, check out my article here. I would read about people who had done just as I needed to do. It doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time. I started distancing myself from negative people without goals and who only found fault in the world. I knew that if I took certain actions, my mind and emotions would follow. I let go of people who negatively influenced my life. I told myself that I was important, and began to plan and achieve my goals. I learned to have faith in my ability.
I gave up drinking every weekend and began exercising and eating well. I still have drinks every now and again but I do find that alcohol changes me. Also, I started hanging out with positive people. The people who I hung out with were also trying to change themselves for the better. They weren’t making excuses, they wanted more out of life. You know what? My life began to improve. I didn’t see myself as a victim anymore. I let go of things my parents said that really hurt me, that Rachel said, and the doubt that I told myself. I stopped comparing myself to other people and began to really let myself open up to new opportunities. Now, I am creating amazing content, coaching and I am doing amazing in my direct sales company. Learning from my life and others, I’m teaching my kids to believe in themselves, to understand their feelings, and not be afraid of their fears.
Here are some of the things I used to help me get through my fears:
- Make a list of your fears. If you admit they exist, you will find a solution
- Write down how they affect your life. What is it holding you back from?
- Write down the negative self-talk you hear and become more aware of what that talk is saying
- Start associating with supportive people. When you stop associating with negative people, your self-talk will change
- Join a support group of people who have similar issues. They can help you overcome your issues
- Change each negative message to one that is affirming and constructive.
- Read books that help you feel better about yourself. Now, I believe that motivational books are wonderful, but I also think you should take time to reflect
- Reflect about your life. Every millionaire, every successfully and wildly happy person reflects about their life and what they do well and can do better
- Be aware of your past, and be willing to let go of it. Your past is not going to fix you, get over it and move forward (I’m still working on this)
- List your goals and the actions you need to achieve them. If you don’t write your goals down, you won’t achieve. It’s as simple as that.
- Take an action from above each day. I know this isn’t going to be something that changes over night. I am still working on it, but taking one step at a time will get you closer to that positive thoughts, positive vibes and losing that self-doubt.
This is what helped me to believe in myself. If I did not create a better environment for me to flourish in I wouldn’t be so successful with ViSalus, I wouldn’t be able to help people and I wouldn’t be able to show my kids how I love myself. You can do it too! I am here to help you if you need it!